


Lyrical Humiliation

by xBubble_Teax



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 20:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10929153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xBubble_Teax/pseuds/xBubble_Teax
Summary: Kyo is at an all time low after his vocal chords cave in and one of their first performances on stage ends in humiliation. But Die knows exactly what Kyo needs to pick himself back up again...Inspired after watching Diru's AQA Vol. 1 DVD ~ I can safely say after watching the first part of their journey and the hardships they had to face, my respect for them as people and as a band have grown tenfold. Kyo in particular as he struggled with his throat condition ^^" Comments are adored lovelies :3





	Lyrical Humiliation

*

The minute all five members had set foot on that stage, Die immediately sensed there was something wrong.

But his emotions tripping over themselves were the least of his worries. While his body ached with fatigue, his eyes battling the need to rest, Die let the worry of arriving late to the festival and the lack of time to run through a sound check fade to the back of his mind. Of course he should be worried about such things but, he knew whatever he was thinking…

Kyo was thinking about it ten times harder. 

That was what had Die so concerned right now. Naturally, Kyo sauntered confidently onto that stage like it was his own living room. But in the years of witnessing such a spectacle, Die had learned Kyo’s characteristics inside out, and today something was wrong. Kyo’s pace was odd; his feet separated at strange angles, and his arms tightly folded over his chest; something he had _never_ approached any stage with. The expression on his face? Somewhere between uncertainty and nervousness. Die believed it was a lack of faith in his own ability. 

Die tried not to let the crowd catch his concern, however, as his guitar was slung over his shoulder and he was faced with the familiar space, yet unfamiliar faces, of the Wacken Open Air Festival. 

Die let his eyes scan over those sporting Dir en Grey T-shirts in all their glory; fist pumping and smiling the minute Die’s eyes settled on them. He even spotted a Japanese flag flying high among the centre of the mass crowd.  
  
Though today it did little to warm Die inside.   
  
Hesitantly, Die looked back towards Shinya and a quick exchange of eyes signalled the start of the first song. 

Uncharacteristically, Kyo remained at the base of Shinya’s drum kit, hiding behind bottles of water, even as he began to sing the first verse.

Die couldn’t help but frown; whatever it was Kyo had weighing heavy on his shoulders…

Die was sure it would bode ill for the rest of them.

*

 

Following the rest off the stage an hour later, Die couldn’t help but give himself a small, mental congratulations. He was right.

The show was a disaster, and by the way Kyo stormed off stage, shoving past two crew members as he did, Die sensed this was what Kyo had been anticipating all day.

The roars and cheers afterwards that should have meant more were actually only a small comfort to the band, and Die couldn’t stop replaying the scenes over in his head like a movie reel. 

Thanks to that non-existent sound check, Kyo’s microphone cut out several times during their performances. As much as Die knows that Kyo does his best to mask his frustration during such troubles, Die couldn’t help but notice the unmistakeable frustration in his voice. With his microphone half dead, and his beautiful voice barely more than whisper, Kyo made sure to growl the next few words loudly into the mic, shooting a hard glare at the staff hovering behind them on stage. 

It was a long time before they got the message and rushed out to help. Die cringed just thinking of it; the embarrassment, the humiliation.

The troubles seemed to roll in after that, and Die was unsure of his timing in the song as nothing came through on his earpiece; though he, Kaoru and Totchi carried on playing to the best of their ability and Die could tell his bandmates were praying their sequences were right as much as he was.

This also meant Kyo was unsure of timing, and Die couldn’t help but notice the frantic look behind his eyes as he glanced at staff, to Shinya, and then to Die briefly; by which point the small vocalist simply looked helpless and a little close to tears.

Staff negligence had probably angered them the most; rendering Kyo, caught in the middle of one song, to point to the speakers lying an inch in front of his feet and jab his fingers in that direction until the staff finally caught on what he was trying to tell them, rushing out on stage to try and fix the faulty equipment,

“We are _never_ fucking playing here again!” Die was snapped out of his mental flashbacks as he heard Kyo bellow some feet ahead of him, Totchi and Kaoru’s soft streams of reassurances trying to calm him down.

Die was jogging to catch them up when he caught wind of the press and inwardly cursed,

“Hey guys! Great show!” A twenty-something blonde with a smile wide enough to penetrate her cheeks; Die figured her the pushy and snobby type, though tried his best not to judge by appearance.

Though to his prediction, it wasn’t long before the young journalist got bored of the rest of the band and immediately turned to their front man, “Ah Kyo! Apocalyptica are still here from the concert on Monday, and they’d like to catch up with you and the-“

“- Tell them it’s not a good time.” Kyo cut her off moodily, and in perfect English, before he swiftly turned away from the small crowd of reporters and photographers and approached the band’s tour night liner parked neatly among a mixed terrain of grass and pebbles; one of the many fields that made up the hundred acre wide rock festival.

Kaoru, Shinya and Totchi didn’t manage to get there in time before the bus door was slammed shut in their face. Rejected in Kyo’s temporary moment of anger, they seemed to turn back to Die with sorry faces,

“Don’t sweat it, guys.” Die laid an uncertain hand on Kaoru’s shoulder, “I’ll talk to him. Why don’t you go grab us some food or something?” 

“Alright.” Toshiya’s concurrence was hesitant, “But be gentle, Die, he’s still messed up about his voice and stuff. I don’t want us to fight so soon.”

Die’s hand traded Kaoru’s shoulder for his and smiled as reassuringly as he could, “We’re not fighting.”

With that, he watched his bandmates tread away on defeated pairs of feet, and Die took a deep breath before he pulled open the bus door and stepped inside,

“Kyo?” Die called out into the narrow space, and as he took the stairs leading to the top deck and wandered along the gangway, he noticed all the curtains draping each bunk bed were all open.

Except one.

Die sighed and gently pulled the curtain of Kyo’s bunk back with his hand, his eyes coming to rest on the small vocalist pretending to read a book he hadn’t touched since he bought it, his knees cross-legged and staring at the pages in front of him into nothing in particular,

“Kyo?” Die asked again, standing a little way away from him with his hands tucked into his jean pockets; trying to pull off a look that made him seem relaxed, even if he was far from reaching it,

“ _Never_ again.” Kyo told him slowly, and Die picked up the cold tone lying behind each syllable, “I told all of you that coming back here was a big mistake. Did any of you listen to me? _No_ …”

Die wasn’t too sure how to respond to that, “Kyo. Baby, come on, none of us could have known what was gonna happen out there today –“

“ – Shh!” Kyo’s head peeked out to scan the bus’ narrow gangway, “Be careful, we agreed _not_ to be like this with each other for the rest of the tour.”

Die raised an eyebrow and leant his elbows on the edge of Kyo’s tiny, rectangular mattress, 

“And did you really think I was serious when I made that promise?” Die whispered sultrily, leaning in for a kiss when Kyo jumped back suddenly, almost hitting his head on the wall behind him,

“Well, I wish you would take it seriously.” Kyo pouted, rubbing at the back of his head with a shy hand, “This is serious, Die. Just like what happened out there is serious. I mean what the fuck did we think we were doing coming here? If I had a hundred yen for the times I’ve left that stage feeling disappointed in myself or angry…”

Kyo breaks off with a sigh, and Die assumes it’s safe enough to reach out and hold his hand, of which Kyo complies and their fingers link together as smoothly as keys slot into locks,

“Just try and take it easy okay?” Die soothes, his thumb running laps over Kyo’s tattooed knuckles, “Try not to worry about today, you need to rest your voice…”

“Fucking incompetent staff…” Kyo hissed under his breath, as though Die hadn’t spoken at all, and his lover was soon faced with Kyo’s dark eyes gleaming towards him in extreme displeasure, “Isn’t it the same useless morons that messed up our show the last time we were here?” 

Kyo didn’t need a reply from Die as he answered himself seconds later before Die even had the chance,

“It was, wasn’t it?!”

Die couldn’t help but sigh; he felt a huge tantrum coming on. Either that or a very cold and silent sulk. 

Die sincerely hoped it was the latter; at least it would mean Kyo’s vocals could rest themselves,

“Shh, come on, don’t get yourself worked up.” Die told the vocalist tenderly, squeezing his hand tighter though spotted the other curling into a fist at his side.

Die grimaced as Kyo’s lips turned upside down into a tight frown, “How am I supposed to relax when our tour gets off to such a shitty start?” Kyo’s melancholy words rendered Die’s insides terribly and he watched as his lover let go of Die’s hand and folded his arms over his stomach as tight as he had the moment they had stepped out onto that tainted stage, his eyes directed to his feet,

“Kyo, _you_ should know, of all people, that this stuff just happens.” Die reasoned with him, itching closer to him, staring sadly at the smaller man he knew was so disappointed in himself right now, “There’s nothing we could do to stop it.”

“Yeah right…” Kyo sulked, sinking further down into his bunk, and Die, past the awkwardness of the situation and how upset he knew Kyo was deep inside, couldn’t help but think it was somehow adorable, 

“Think about it.” Kyo carried on numbly, “Our bus broke down on the way here. We arrived late, missed the sound check, got swamped by the press and they got bitchy when we didn’t have time for an interview. We’re so fucking tired from this asshole driver parading us around in this huge lump of metal, on bunk beds that feel like I’m lying on nail screws…” Kyo’s hands landed flat on their palms either side of him and he winced at the lack of bounce, 

“And… _now_ my voice is taking the strain of it all and our first live of the tour ends up a pile of shit!” Kyo throws his arms in the air and growls frustratedly under his breath, though Die’s just thankful he hasn’t thrown or hit anything yet,

“Aren’t you the one who always says moaning people are the ones who never change themselves for the better?”

An icy glare is thrown his way; a look which would have most of the staff quivering in fear, though Die remains unphased,

“Come on Kyo…” Die tried to soothe, “Sure, we’ve had a rocky start but… things will pick up, I’m sure of it.” 

Die couldn’t believe how uncertain he sounded; and he was pretty sure Kyo picked up on it too, the smaller man saying nothing except the remains of a sigh, smoothing his hands over his face in defeat.

Die let his eyes run over Kyo’s small frame before a thought hit him, “Come here.”

Kyo’s head lifted slowly, and Die was saddened to see Kyo’s eyes shining with the miniscule presence of fresh water, 

“What? What false reassurance do you have left to offer me?”

“Just…” Die hesitated with a sigh, “Just- Come on, get over here.” Die attempted brightly, holding out his hands for Kyo to take.

Luckily, Die knew that Kyo never hesitated once when it came to trusting him and the guitarist soon felt the warm radiance of Kyo’s palms clutching at his own, pulling himself nearer.

He sure did look defeated, Die mulled over in his mind, feeling Kyo awkwardly let go of his fingers and sit there rigidly in front of him.

And Die did nothing. He did nothing except hold out his arms towards his lover, and Kyo stared at them sceptically,

“Die, what are you-?”

“Shh, just come here.” Die murmured softly, unable to help himself smile when Kyo does as he’s told and shuffles into them, allowing Die to wrap his arms around Kyo’s much smaller frame,

“You know what you need?” Die smiled as he rested his chin against the jet black strands of Kyo’s hair, 

“A shotgun to my head?” Kyo retorted against his chest, somewhat cleverly,

“No.” Die patted his back gently, “Someone to hold you tight.”

The disgust from such a sensitive gesture came as expected,

“Die, you seriously expect me to believe that –“

“- Don’t let today get to you, okay?” Die cut him off, whispering against his hair, his hands running circles across Kyo’s back, “All you need to focus on is resting your voice and doing the best for the real fans that are waiting for us.”

Despite his earlier protest, Kyo presses himself tighter to Die’s chest at the guitarist’s words,

“I’m not sure that I can.” 

The answer came quietly and devoid of any hope whatsoever. Die could only squeeze him tighter, 

“Sure you can. You have us to help you out.” 

He paused, then added, “You have _me_.”

Kyo released a small laugh, “Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do?”

Inwardly, Die felt himself shrug, “All we can do, Kyo. We pull through this as a band.”

Kyo shook his head, “Nah, I don’t like that.”

Die sighed, though felt Kyo’s arms tighten around him, “Okay, then how about this?”

Gently pushing at his shoulders to pry him away, Die tucked two fingers under Kyo’s chin and lifted the vocalist’s head to meet his, the other man bringing up the courage to return the kisses Die dusted against his lips.

Pulling away from such a brief moment of sweet intimacy, Die then murmured gently,

“We pull through it as a family.” 

*

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Another cross-posted fic from my LiveJournal ^^ Enjoy <3 
> 
> This was originally meant to be a drabble XD But this was inspired after I’d watched Dir en Grey’s latest DVD, the Europe & Japan edition and realised how many troubles they had faced at the Wacken Festival. That and I couldn’t help but remember the times when Kyo was sick and I wished I could just go and give him a huge hug xD
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed; comments are like bundles of love so please feel free! ^^ That and you never know, Kyo might just come and give you a hug too if you do (^3^) *flails*


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